“Tears are streaming down my face right now as I type these words. It is heartbreaking to know that all my life I tried so hard to…” ~Cindy Lietz
It may be a midlife crisis thing… or maybe just because I am continually immersed in creative thinking… but I do find myself putting a lot of thought into trying to figure out who I am as a creative being… and how can I pass along my passions to help others discover themselves as well.
Like so many other artists, I too have struggled with identity issues, for most of my life.
Well, as The Universe would have it, all things that you focus on seem to come together into one cohesive picture. That is, if you are looking for clues.
A few of these clues have been collecting in my life from seemingly unrelated sources. First, just before Christmas, my Mom gave me a box of keepsakes from my childhood. In there was some workbooks, some drawings and some poems from Elementary School. There was one item in particular that spoke to me deeply. A scrapbook filled with questions, assignments and projects related to a field trip I took to the Muttart Conservatory in Edmonton Alberta when I was in Grade 6. In a minute, I’ll explain why what I found in that book made me cry, and why it is relevant to this post.
Another piece to this puzzle is of course, my journey with you. Creating new polymer clay tutorials, week after week, year after year (over 250 now, and counting)… has not only been a challenge to pull off, but also a growing experience for me as a person and as a teacher. It has made me really think hard about how people learn, and as a result, what should be taught.
Because of the commitment Doug and I have made to delivering new videos every week, it really has forced me to continue learning new stuff all the time. To stay ahead of the pack so to speak. And that is invaluable to any teacher. This constant learning on my part keeps the knowledge that you are receiving, current and relevant. Which, trust me, not all teachers are doing. Just ask Willow about her 80 year old French teacher! LOL!
The third piece of this epiphany collection (good things always come in threes don’t they), is this video that Doug just sent me. It is of Sir Ken Robinson and his views on Education, Creativity, Passion and Online Learning. Why don’t you have a quick watch. It will set the stage for the for the rest of the post…
Now after watching that clip, and reflecting on what he said about teaching and learning, I would like to return to my story about the workbook I found in the box of childhood schoolwork.
The scanned image below of my childhood handwriting, is what I found inside the book, that made me cry. And as another amazing coincidence (believe me I only realized it today when I dug this out again for this post), it happened to be written at Easter time…
Transcript
The Show House At Easter by Cindy Lee Ross (Lietz) age 11
As I walked up the ramp the sweet fragrance of fresh spring time flowers filled the air. When I entered the pyramid a field of colourful blooms greeted my eyes. A sea of creamy white Easter lilies welcomed me like a trumpet band.
Crimson red, golden yellow and blushing pink tulips stood at attention along the pathways. Clusters of sunshine yellow daffodils sang “Happy Easter” from their shining crowns. The daisy-like cineraria smiled with their freshly painted faces. The Muttart conservatory Show House at Easter is a paradise of blossoms.
~Cindy
What made me cry when I read this was how I felt for the little girl that wrote that beautiful piece. Do you recognize her writing in the color recipe posts? That little girl was passionate about flowers, colors and the beauty they presented when you were exposed to them. She described them in detail, with feeling and pure joy. She is exactly who I have struggled so hard to become after all these years. The girl I am today, was there all along.
And do you know what… to this day I still remember the feedback from my teacher about this little story… “Cindy you clearly love flowers, but you spent too long on that write-up and didn’t do a good enough job on the rest. The project was incomplete and the work was messy.” She pretty much said what all the teachers, minus a few angels, said about my work. “Cindy’s head is in the clouds and she needs to knuckle down and get some work done. Stop being such a dreamer!”
Tears are streaming down my face right now as I type these words. I can’t help it. It is heartbreaking to know that all my life I tried so hard to be better at what I wasn’t good at, and undervalued and pushed aside what was clearly easy and natural for me. I am sorry little one, that it took so long for me to find you… but at least now you are happy, dreaming your life away, and teaching others to dream too!
Sir Ken said so many things that speak to this very problem in the way that most children are taught today, and how our education systems are in dire need of change. New technologies (like our online video tutorials) make it possible for students to learn at their own pace in the way that works best for them. Good teachers have always been able to do that for their students… teach in a way that works best for the student. Sir Ken said that teaching is an art form… that technology alone won’t be enough, but in the hands of good teachers and engaged and imaginative students, it could.
He also speaks of the importance of finding yourself. In order for one to be in your element, you must be doing something that you’re good at and get… and you have to love it. Well I tell you I am in my element now, sharing my passion for color, flowers and polymer clay!
Thank you all for being part of my journey to find myself. I hope that I can be part (if only in a small way) of your journey of self discovery too. So go on… get your head in the clouds… let your inner child out… you deserve to be happy!
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As an early “dreamer” nature lover and trained educator, I walk beside you Cindy. Thank you for picking this art form. Wish you all the best….
Sir Ken’s books are truly inspirational as well. I wish more people, not only educators, would soak up his wisdom. This TED talk he gave is absolutely amazing.
I hope others will take the time to watch this video. Wish I’d had someone like him as a teacher when I was growing up. And wouldn’t he have loved having someone like Cindy in his classroom. He would have recognized her talents right from the start.
I think your teacher needed to stop and smell the roses. I could see the flowers you were describing. Even back then you could talk of things and help us visualize what you meant. You go Girl l!!!! I also agree that teaching should come out to the dark ages and catch up to what the children of today need.
Wow, thanks for sharing. I look yoiur writing and see at all the descriptive words being used.
My oldest daughter has ADHD and social percption problems. From age 11-15 I felt like dropping her off at school was taking her to a place where she could never meet the expectations; thank goodness the kid was a social animal. We had many conferences wherea teacher lectured us on being better parents and to teach her to fit in. My husband asked if they expected parents of a deaf child to teach their kid to hear and tell the child they could hear if they just tried hard enough. .
Many teacher go into the profession because they loved school and were the perfect students, they can’t understand people who learn differently. This approach kills a child’s spirit and love of learning and can be damaging in many ways.
I can totally relate to “in search of self” and not only wonder “What I want to be when I grow up.”, WHO do I want to be when I grow up.” Loved the video clip. I am so happy you had your head in the clouds.
Cindy Lee Ross, you have arrived!!
Anna,
When I read your post I felt like I was reading an excerpt of my own life. My daughter also has ADHD and actually had a confrence today at the social services about our parenting “problems” and a meeting tomorrow at the school. I am so very thrilled I read your post because if you dont mind I may need to use your words about telling a deaf child if they tried harder the could hear…
My daughter is very intelligent, but needs to be taught in a way that keeps her attention better than it is now.. Urgh I get so frustrated and feel like I am fighting a losing battle when the only thing that should matter is making sure all kids are taught in a way that they can learn without being labeled Bad or disabled.
Hmmm I wonder if Cindy would like to teach 7th grade reading writting and math for the rest of the year?? LOL Because she is a very inspiring teacher and very very good at what she does…
I hope I can advocate for my child before any damage is done to her self esteem.. I know she has her head in the clouds dreaming of being a doctor so she can help kids that have learning problems, So she needs these skills and not to be pushed thru a system…
Sorry this is so long I was just totally amazed by what you wrote…And Cindy again hit the nail on the head. I somedays think she is a bit psychic..LOL
Thanks for ur words of wisdom also!!!!!!!!!!
My daughter, Jackie, was in the same position in 7th grade, as yours. ,I finally decided to homeschool Jackie. She maintained an 98 average and took nine courses. We took it very seriously and with the regulations imposed by our state she did probably ten times the work she would have done in traditional school. You have to have “school” so many hours, and our time was spent working whereas in school they probably spend 30% in transitions. So she had the ability, she just had trouble concentrating with all the disruptions. She eventually returned to regular school the next year. She did continue to struggle against their teaching styles, and we fought with the school many times! I say all this to say … Keep up the faith.You know your child, and what is best for her. Be her advocate. Work to keep her happy and help her realize the talents she possesses. My Jackie’s 25 now. A sweet womn, great mom, hard worker. She turned out to be a very creative girl. She’s who I go to when I need to test my design ideas in my business! So go forth, expect the best and you will see her blossom into the woman you knew all along was inside her.
Bottom line, though, it that folks have to be motivated to learn. You have to love to read, research, interact with others, plus see the benefit of continuing to gain expertise to keep at it with a passion.
All the best teachers in the world can’t help a hungry, sick or in-pain child learn. To me, all education assets should go for the best, as much, and state of the art childcare. Self image is set before nine years of age as is your self confidence much based on whether or not you can read well.
Once you’ve got them through the basics here, learning booms and is a joy through your whole life.
Cindy, thank you for sharing this!! This was a wonderful surprise to what I, too, have encountered!
I wanted to be an Art Teacher when I was in high school. I, too, was discouraged. Jobs were hard to keep back then, for teachers in Art and Music. Most of my teachers were going back to school to teach other subjects like English and Math. So, I swallowed my dream.
Thirty years later, I find myself teaching!! I tell everyone that to be an “artist” it is not by talent alone. You must crave to be what you desire. I have been told by many people that, “Art is easy for you. You are really talented.” My response: “Talent is only 10% of the equation and 90% is the desire to learn, practice, practice and more practice!” Faliure, is a part of learning. IF you LEARN from the “failure” you have succeeded!!
My father always told us kids that “If you can put your mind to it, you can do anything!”
My brother, was in Kindergarden (5 years old), was given a project to: Draw an apple and color it red. He did. But, was given too much time and he got bored. So, he drew a car at the bottom on the page!
My parents were called to a conference with the teacher. She showed them the art work. My parent were beaming with pride! It was very good! The teacher informed them he failed! He did not follow directions! What??
“He drew the apple with a bite out of it! And the car was not part of the assignment!” After my parents had their say with the teacher, she was no longer teaching in that school! To this day, he thinks he is not as “talented” as I know he is. The results of early contact with bad teachers.
So, hurray for my Polymer Clay Tutor! An inspiration to us all! Kudos, to the little girl who dares to make dreams come true!!! Sending cyber {{{{{{{huuuuuuggggsss}}}}}
Cindy
I just wanted to say you are A WONDERFUL TEACHER but not only that You are an ANGEL of inspiration, hope, admiration, and dreams. You give all of us the tools not only artistic tools but LIFE tools and it takes a special person to be able to do that.. I am so glad You have Finally realized your ” DREAM ” CALLING IN LIFE and shared it with us. Because who would we turn to for our polymer clay needs or our life lessons that seem to come along with your tutes and blog..
You are doing what you should be doing teaching.. Now would you be willing to do any side jobs? Like teaching my child 7th grade reading writing and math..LOL LOL LOL I know she would do alot better learning from you than at her current school…LOL
Thanks for being you.
Kelli Nelson
When I was in middle school I had a teacher that I absolutely adored. His name was Mr. Procino and he would let us – encourage us – to do whatever we wanted in class to to put us in the best atmosphere for ourselves to learn. If that meant laying on the floor or sitting on top of his desk, or whatever, we did it. And we learned. To this day I haven’t forgotten that teacher. He let us talk freely with him and each other during class. Looking back, we probably took advantage of this at first but he knew how to steer us and, before we knew or realized what was happening, we were effortlessly learning. I loved this teacher. I learned from him. I wish I knew where he was today so I could thank him. He was exactly the kind of teacher I wish my kids could have had and every child should have.
Thanks for sharing your story with us Cindy. Hopefully there are teachers who will see it and take it to heart.
Angela M.
Wow. It hurts just to think how (you Cindy) that little girl must have felt to be told her work was “incomplete and messy”. Due to being out of the working world for a long while as a stay at home mom, I have not been able to find a job as an RN (employers all want recent clinical experience). In a lovely twist of fate, I have become a grade school science teacher, plus the biology teacher to my daughter’s high school class. I LOVE IT! I feel my creativity pushed to the nth degree. The kids are awesome and I enjoy their thoughts. I work very hard not to be the type of teacher that crushes a child’s spirit and imagination as I always try to put myself in their place.
Thank you Cindy for continuing to inspire us!
PS. I find that the kids periodically need to keep their hands busy, while engaging their heads in what is discussed in class. They’ve been having fun playing with Sculpey clay and I’ve had to bring some projects home for baking. I am amazed by their work (fish, snakes, etc)
Thank you Cindy, that was so inspirational and brought back some very painful memories. From one “dreamer” to another.
Wow Cindy, I would just love to hug that little girl for the hurt she must have felt and hug the
accomplished young woman she has become! To dream and be free to follow those dreams
should be what life is all about. With all the differences there is so much to learn from one another. We see this in our clay family all the time. You have often said that you don’t expect us
to do exactly what you have shown us but to take it and make it our own. This is our world and
without causing anyone else hurt we should be able to “grow our own tree” so to speak. Thinking outside the box is growth but maybe it scares those who cannot see that far ahead and why so many children don’t do well in school and are stifled when with encouragement
they could be happy in their own beautiful way.
Its unfortunate your teacher didn’t compliment you on the wonderful job you did (you probably were the best) and give you a little more time to complete the assignment. If only….she could
see you now….such an acomplished artist and teacher, a real success story. So many times
we repeat the same thing, that we are so fortunate to have you in our life for so many reasons.
Thank you for all you give, it is truly of yourself. Of course Doug and the kids are right there also.
Happy Easter, Happy Spring, and of course Happy Claying Everyone.
Your touching story brought to mind the oft-quoted passage by spiritual activist Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”
So shine on, Clay People, shine on! xoxo
What a lovely passage Monique! Thank you for sharing that. I wish every single person could read that and believe it. Unfortunately not all are born with strong spirits to withstand the ones who would hold them back in order to quell their own feelings of failure. If only they knew that by helping to foster that new spirit, they would lift up their own and not see themselves as failures anymore. Everyone can be a teacher in some manner. But first they have to learn to value what they know before they can share it with others. I was fortunate and had a very strong and supportive mother and grandparents when it came to my imagination and creativity. They were all very talented in their own ways and taught me that as long as I did my best and did not cut corners or hurry, that I could always be proud of what I did and that no one else had the right to judge me for my artistic expression. To this day I will happily discuss my work with anyone and describe how and why I chose to do it the way I did. But I wont defend it. I wont allow someone to put me in a position to defend it. I simply tell them that this is mine. I made it and Im proud of it. If they do not care for it that is their choice, but it does not make it any less in my eyes. And I try to pass along that spirit to anyone I can when I see them start to doubt themselves.
Hi Cindy: In my High School yearbook under my picture they picked the song “TURN AROUND”. When I read that, I burst into tears myself, because I knew it was not a compliment. It was a remark clearly repeated to me throughout the years by so many of my teachers – to turn around Miss Pauline and pass attention to what I am trying to teach you. I clearly was smart enough, but they were not “smart enough” to grasp my attention. I was called a “dreamer” too many times for my parents liking. But it did not stop there.
HOW LONG I STRUGGLED TO BE LIKE ALL THE OTHER WOMEN OUT THERE. They all had there talents, crafts, families, loves to call their own. I wanted something that I could be really good at. It took me until my mid fifties to find by “accident” this wonderful world called Polymer Clay.
I want to congratulate you Cindy for putting the courage out there and sharing your own personal thoughts on this online. It helps all of us relate, look at how many people have had similar circumstances. We are NOT ALONE. For so many years as a only child I was raised in a not so great household, and I thought I WAS ALONE. I was the only person that was going to be called a dreamer, there was something wrong with me. Turns out, there was nothing wrong, just a very distinct gifted voice that was looking for a path to find a way home.
Thank you again Cindy for making this home for me.
info on card thickness: I found this website that actually makes these frames that are built to replicate standard card thickness #2, 3, 4, 5 etc in two sizes, and a variety of purchasing forms. I was actually looking for textures and I saw this and I thought of you Cindy and your discussion on this matter.
Pauline, great find and thanks for sharing! Must add these to my wish list…..
With these sets you just need well conditioned clay and a roller to get exactly the thickness you need, and this could be vital when using clay sheets for a die cutting machine.
These are made for work with metal clay, but they’d also be perfect for polymer.
I love that site, Cool Tools offers a ton of one of a kind aides and doohickies, lol.
Wow Cindy, this post resonates within me so much. The power of life and death is in the tongue and those negative words can have such a devastating effect on us; sometimes for the rest of our lives. Thankfully you didn’t allow that to happen. I see not only your passion for color in that early letter but, you passion for writing as well. You’re a poet Cindy! To write with such imagery at that age is amazing. God has given you wonderful gifts and I’m blessed that you share them with us. You encourage and inspire me…now I’m starting to cry, lol.
Thank you SO much Cindy for sharing this raw emotional epiphany with all of us! It means even more than you know when a mentor can share who they really are and the history or struggles along the way… your story so to speak!! Love to hear your story, or anyone’s story rather than a sell sell sell anything in this world! (not saying you do this, couldn’t live without your totally awesome valued tutorials, both inexpensive and expertise!) I dare you to share more! Let her glow from the inside with teaching all of us your ingenuity creativity!!! Xoxox
Yes, thank you for this post, Cindy. I heard it said, many years ago, to find our direction … go back to what you loved as a child. Yes, you “found” what you “had” all along. Now, I think I need to work on that for myself :) Thank you, Cindy!!!
Ah Cindy, your post struck a deep chord in me! – takes me back to the little girl I was – a dreamer, a romantic, introspective and far too sensitive – and so very different from anyone else in my family. I wasn’t a particularly happy child – I always felt so misunderstood. I wanted to go to art college but my mother wouldn’t let me …. and, at that age, I didn’t have the confidence to take a stand!
Now I’m a granny and I’ve come a long, long way from that shy, tongue-tied little dreamer – I’ve learnt to assert myself and stand up for the things that have meaning for me – and that it’s NOT ‘selfish’ to take time out from other people to do the things you love.
My creative star has led me down many different paths. And now I’ve discovered polymer clay and this wonderful community.
Thank you!
Cindy,
As usual, you have affected many readers with your heartfelt story. I’m so glad you persevered and became the gifted, sharing person you are today. I think it is so sad that some teachers are often rigid and intimidated by growing talents of their students, that they don’t encourage that talent.
My daughter, Jordan, has always loved to sing. She couldn’t wait to get into middle school to join the chorus. Her teacher has dampened her desire by criticizing the “warbling” style of country singers and reigning in on the desires of her students to sing songs they relate to. She chooses her own songs for their concerts, even after telling the students they can submit requests. As far as I know, she doesn’t work with the students to enhance and encourage their dreams. To me, this is not a teacher, this is someone who goes through the motions of their job.
Don’t ever lose your passion and know that we will always appreciate and remember you for it and for your encouragement!
Jan
Beautiful story. Thanks for the inspiration.
You are an excellent writer too! That teacher was blind! Thank you for this, and I did not even see the video yet. You said it all for me.
Cindy…that little girl is also me…accused of being a daydreamer since grade two and onwards :) …yay us!
Just finished reading your inspiring story, and truly empathize with you.
The one thing that came into my head immediately was Kermit the Frog, and part of a line from “The Rainbow Connection” – “The lovers, the dreamers, and me”
Jim Henson was an awesome creator of thought-provoking songs, as well as those lovable puppets. Putting them together shows his dreaming genius, which truly is shared by so many people who wouldn’t or didn’t let that creative spirit be crushed.
You are in this group and I appalude you for being there, here, and sharing so much with all of us.
I was five and it was my first day at infant school. In the afternoon the teacher said we were going to do painting. Lovely……… so I went and chose the biggest brush I could find but all the other kids had taken the pots of paint and only black and yellow were left. I painted a huge flower in the sunny yellow with four petals similar to the Dogwood. Then I carefully painted the black background, being careful not to go over the lines.
But another child jogged my arm and black paint went all over me and my masterpiece!! Sob!!
The teacher (a Miss Lake) was not at all cross and giggled at the state I was in. Cheering me up she remarked. “It WOULD have been a striking picture” and dabbing at my frock added. “Never mind, it’s washable paint,so you had better go and clean up before you go home” (She also taught English and from that day on I adored her)
As a teenager I was always dreaming, thinking up new characters for the latest romantic story I was trying to write, so in the Art class my brain was disconnected from my hands. At the end of the lesson I found that my hands had painted my yellow flower on a black background, I had no recollection of doing it. I think this is what’s called automatic painting and it has happened to me many times!
The teacher totally ignored us and pretty much left us to our own devises while she sat marking last nights homework. Just before the end of the lesson she got up to walk round to look at our work. She was NOT at all impressed by my painting and was very sarcastic and called it very childish. “Well I AM a child” I said.
She was furious and sent me to stand outside the Headmaster’s room for being so rude. She must have forgotten all about me as I stood there for nearly three hours until the bell rang for hometime. Then I ran all the way home crying and climbed up into the treehouse feeling miserable, till suppertime.
The next week I was dreading entering the Art class……. nothing was said but all that term my efforts didn’t meet her expectations and I felt useless. My self worth was zero and my creativity squashed. We were told what to paint , how to paint it and what colours to use. I am so glad that the teacher left the school at the end of the year.
This is not the end of the story, as many years later I went to an exhibition of Batik. I stopped short in my tracks at a beautiful piece of material.
It depicted dozens of small bright sunny yellow Dogwood type flowers on a black background. Wow, my childish design was replicated in miniature? The sun shone through the yellow translucent flowers and I thought what a wonderful sarong it would make………………..
I love painting flowers and birds but it took many years before I plucked up enough courage to enter some of my paintings in a local exhibition and was over the moon when I saw the red stickers………….sold………..So I agree with your speaker (Don’t you just love his very English sense of humour?) We need self -expression as children, not to be put down for dreaming, for without dreams it would be a dull world and most of the wonderful inventions would never have got off the drawing board. If you are not passionate in what you do…….forget it…..
……..cheers xx
Thanks for sharing your wonderful story. I think such trials as children really help us become the artist we are today.
Dear Cindy, Don’t you hate labels? It’s because you love flowers, colors and have your head in the clouds that you are so great at teaching.
I was in an orphanage until I was 10 (parents divorced and fighting, Mom declared an unfit mom) The only teacher I remember was the meanest one, but, I do remember singing, which I loved, and the stained glass window in our church which had beautiful colors. I go to the fabric store and just walk around and enjoy the colors and fabric prints.
I learned long ago that God doesn’t make junk and that what I do is fun. It gives me pleasure when other people compliment me on my polymer clay jewelry. I am 71 I’m playing for the firat time in my life have been married for 49 years to a wonderful man who lets me be creative and loves my work, even though his brain is made up of orderly file folders and everything in it’s place. I have 4 wonderful grown up children.
I can hardly wait for fridays when I get to be taught by you. My daughter is a choral director of high school kids in a lower income school. She lets her adhd kids fiddle, one she lets have his comic books when he is antsy, still his tests show he is learning what she’s teaching. She has a special needs class and loves the children and has found that , because of music and rythmn, they have excelerated their learning in their regular classes. (music was started last year as an experiment). I go on too long, but your comment brought back so many memories.
Sandra
Dear Cindy,
Back again to add that I do not expect there were many dry eyes while reading about a messy little girl who lived up there in those fluffy clouds (Aren’t clouds wonderful?)
Cindy, I felt your pain.
Now she’s all grown-up and still enjoys messing with clay n paint, dye and glitter. Don’t ever stop being messy Cindy, we all love you for it.
Your talent is amazing, you need to be different, to feel the magic.
You drum to a different beat.!
Perhaps those early remarks from un-enlightend teachers spurred you on? It is remarkable that we all emerge as individuals, after THEY try so hard to make us all in the same mold. I will not be mass-produced because they broke the mold after I emerged hee hee.
cheers xx
Hi,
I was an elementary school teacher for 17 years and I would have loved to have had a writer like you. But, it is sad to say I knew many teachers like you had. Why are they like that? I don’t understand. I enjoyed letting students have freedom of expression in their writing and artwork. I learned a lot about my students and how they saw the world by doing this. That is how I see creativity. Maybe the problem for some teachers came in grading. If you don’t have a set list of what must be there you can’t grade it. I don’t agree, but who knows.
I loved working with children but gave up teaching when I ran into problems with bureaucracy and their need for young, yes ma’m teachers who followed those lessons your talking about that don’t lend themselves to students who need room to spread their wings. I don’t know any creative and talented students who can sit still 6 hours a day being prim and proper and do worksheets. Children need a chance to be creative, move and use their own minds. I didn’t want students who could mimic what I did. I wanted students who could think through problems or know why they got the answer. Enough of my sermon.
Thank you for your story, it brought back to me the reason why I believe as I do. You made me feel good about who I am. Also, I love working with polymer clay and reading your blogs!
Hi Cindy,
I just read your April 2 blog about creativity and passion, and it touched me. You describe so very clearly what being a person is; the good, the grief, the longing and the aspirations that each one of us have. And you described some of the obstacles that we meet on our way through life: The public demands, the expectations of others, the need to conform, and the need to rebel against conforming.
I have thought about people and their paths in life for many, many years. It’s my job.I have come to see how important their histories are to their development, their coping and their understanding of their individual meaning and purpose. And, working in palliative care especially, has led me to marvel at our capacity as humans to adapt and find depth and meaning, even in the most adverse situations.
I have a tendency to compare a persons growth and development to a tree’s. Someone plants it (or it starts it’s life by accident). It finds the nourishment available, and it grows under the conditions that it’s environment allows. And then – from age, from accident, from disease or industrial need – it dies.
You know, when you fell a tree and see all the yearrings? They are all there, right up to the day it falls. But they are not even or perfect. Some rings are thick, some are narrow. They can be crooked or squiggly, and here and there are protuberances that bulge out and perhaps distort the next yearrings. When you fell the tree, you can see that – oh yes, that ring must be from the year we had the drought, and that ring must be from the year we had a magnificent summer. And we can see when disease or frost distorted the the development in another ring, or when continuous winds bent all the succeeding rings into ovals. But all the rings are complete, and they all protect each other in their own, special way. And they all protect the core that is our original, biological self.
So too with people. We too have our yearrings. We all have an angry little child inside, or a frustrated pimply teen, – a wonderfully happy year, or one when something tried to thwart our growth. And we all have our bulges. Sometimes those bulges, or those inner rings, become more available to us. All we have to do, is be aware of them, and recognize them as part of us. 11 year old Cindy has been inside you all this time, pushing and bumping and making you aware of her presence. You never lost her; you have actually protected her as best you could in the circumstances of your life. And your protection has helped her mature to what she is today. Good for you!!!
You cried for that little girl, and perhaps you didn’t really have to. It’s obvious through your blog that she has been developing just fine. Maybe you cried for joy at having found her again? I would. You have access to her now, and you can utilize her dreams and hopes. But you also have recognized her through all the outer yearrings, the knots and gnarls that living has given you. To me, that means that you have acquired wisdom and insight into how to access her, and how to best utilize her. Those teachers you had who said you had your head in the clouds and needed to buckle down? They are all there too, probably as ruffles and small cracks in the yearrings. I think you can probably benefit from them as well. Today they do not need be the obstacles or”unfairnessess” that they were when they were said. On the contrary, it hit me that your teacher’s words about “getting some work done” have perhaps in part been helpful to you in your work today. I have seldom come across better teaching combined with creativity than yours. And, believe me, as a former teacher I know how hard that is. You are straight to the point, succinct and extremely down to earth in your presentations. And, just as important: You show great empathy and encouragement, and an ability to include everyone, not make anyone feel small. That is the art of teaching in a nutshell. I imagine your old teachers probably inadvertently taught you that as well. Maybe you should send them a little, mental smile. That’s all I had to say.
Good luck, Cindy, and I hope you have a good Easter. I appreciate your blog and your tutorials immensely, and will continue to follow them closely. Thank you!
Mette
(from Norway)
I remember as a kid… riding in car in back and would hear classical music and dream… as you say, it was then it opened my mind to colors etc watching the curtains at a movie back in early 50s with grandma and the colors on the curtains before the movies. Losing ones self in the movies. A cousin, who was fantastic showing me beauty of opera and classical music. And for some reason I cried as no one had allowed me to explore those things.
It’s wonderful when you meet such a wonderful teacher and they may not even realize they are doing it. Cindy you do so much in your 10 minute videos. You show / allow the person to take what you do and build on it. Thanks again. I love your inner child. Amazing. Thanks for being there and sharing all your hard earned skills.
Hi Cindy,
Thank you so much for posting this. Not only is your journey personal and triumphant, it is courageous. It’s not easy to share things like this but it resonates in many of us.
What struck me about your writing is the detail you noticed. A lot of people don’t see that much detail (let alone explain it beautifully) at that age. Have you ever heard of HSP? It stands for Highly Sensitive Person, and it is a character trait that seems to be found in people who are creative. The woman who pioneered this concept (and has written some great books) is Elaine Aron. It has to do with having a central nervous system that is very active, taking in more information than other folks. I am one, and just thought you might be too. Like your realization and personal discovery did, it’s a life changer. Her website is hsperson and there is a self-test. :-)
Thank you again for sharing this.
Interesting site, Karen, thanks for sharing. Will spend some time there reading for sure.
Wow very interesting Karen! I had never heard of the traits of a Highly Sensitive Person, but man am I ever one! I scored 23/26 on the self test and apparently 14 is high. Other than not being shy, nervous while performing or sensitive to pain, I had every single other trait on the list. There are several other members of my family who also display the traits in varying degrees, including my Mom, Dad, Son and my Nephew who is Autistic. I seems that it may have something to do with genetics. Luckily my parents were patient and gentle with me as a child and I have learned over time to use these traits as strengths. It is kind of cool to read about it though. Just one more layer of understanding in my self realization journey. Who knows one day I may just figure out who I will be when I grow up! LOL
Cindy,
Wanted to add my kudos for such a wonderful post. As a homeschooling mom I am learning a lot about “teaching”. LOL! What it is and what it isn’t!
Reading your writing reminds me soooo much of my 14yo son’s writing. He is so verbose! And he loves to do it. So that is why he starts his “school” day with half an hour of writing. And why I’m seeking out others to help him with his writing. I can help him with the art… or at least I feel confident in that area… but words, not so much!
Thanks for the link to Sir Ken Robinson’s interview. I had not heard of him before but of course my son had through TedTalks. He loves that site. I will be reading more of his works!
So a great big THANKS! For your inspiration and your work.
Hugs,
Hope in MO
Reading all these touching stories it’s wonderful to hear and feel connected to others who have gone through similar experiences. Cindy when I first started reading your words from childhood I was struck by such lovely, vivid details, then I saw how young you were…I honestly had to look at that a couple of times! What would compel someone to ignore the beauty in those words? And to express only negative comments to a child who “poured her little heart out” in that piece?
I was also “sensitive”, always hyper aware and kind of intuitive to things and people around me. Always had to do something creative too. I was the emotional one, although I’ve been blessed with a loving family – the label wasn’t always meant in a positive way. Being sensitive, you often end up feeling bad for how you are.
What I love now though, is that with age comes the confidence of leaving those labels and negative perceptions behind. Still sensitive, but it feels so much better to put those judgements where they belong (the bottom shelf, far, far away = ) One of the best things that stayed with me came from someone who was exceptionally gifted as an artist. His view was that with every piece of art you can find something positive, something good to balance any criticism.
It’s that lack of balance that can carelessly “hurt” for years afterward. Stay strong creative souls, we are very different and although it’s sometimes lost on others – it is a rare gift. = )
There were so many amazing comments from you all in this thread that I just had to come in and give my heartfelt gratitude for sharing your stories with us.
When writing this post, I had thought I had already learned what I needed to learn, but as I read through each comment, I realized there was so much more to be learned.
It is only when you peel off the dried outer layers of time and experience, do you find that fresh bulb of new growth waiting to blossom. I wish for each of you this coming Spring, that the new growth is not only restricted to the budding life in your gardens, but to the new life in your hearts.
I leave you all with this beautiful quote I found some time ago…
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~Anais Nin
what a beautiful post Cindy, and such a profound quote! Thank you so much … you just made my evening brighter!!! God bless.
Dear Cindy,
You have touched my heart with your story of the childhood joy in flowers and colors and, it would seem, in the abundance of beauty everywhere. And then came the tearing rejection of your own heartfelt description of it. That unfortunate teacher most fortunately could not stamp out your creativity, thanks be, but surely she must have made you less confident. A plague on all who would discourage a child from expressing joy in life. Some others most likely were there for you somehow countering her disparagement, but there it still has its place behind your tears. Still, you have long displaced her insane criticism with a constant, and now weekly, display of encouragement to do your own thing with a wonderful set of tools to help accomplish that. The world is a better place with you in it.
Thank you.
Katherine Davis
This post made me cry… re-read it a couple times and again the tears… bless you and that little girl inside you! It’s not pleasant to relive, but it is inspiring to hear that people who you admire (you) have doubts about their abilities too. Too bad we weren’t born with filters so we’d been able to only hear the positive… wasted lots of our days here when we could’ve been building on those God-given talents, but it’s never too late, right?! Hope not LOL.
Shelley
Although I am a little late in reading this post. Better late than never right? I just wanted to say thank you for posting this personal realization of the Cindy I think a lot of us have known for quite a while. The creative, passionate, expressive, colorful, talented, giving, generous person, we all tune in to watch and learn from every week. And to thank you for encouraging all of us to be all of those things too, in our own ways. If ever there were a model for the best kind of teacher, the kind that Ken spoke of, I think you would be the very image of that teacher. As for your teacher of the past? Just having the title of teacher does not always mean they have the talent that is required to do the job properly. And if you could go back in time? I know you could teach them a thing or two on that subject. But fortunately for all of us, you are OUR teacher now, and I don’t think there is one of us who does not know how very lucky we are to have you. :}
Jamie it is awesome to ‘hear’ your voice again! It has been awhile. Thanks for your kind comment old friend. I hope all is well with you.
Jamie, I second Cindy’s post. You are so missed. Hope all is as well as can be.
All is well as it always is. I never start a day focusing on negativity. Even if I dont feel well I tell myself I will feel better later, and just get on with it. LOL. At my age I am grateful to wake up and be able to get on with it. But lately it has been much better since I have begun playing wih my clay again. I finally broke down and just cleared a space and set up my work table. I might never have a finished craft studio, but I cant go without my clay and wire work one more second! And after I scored a ton of clay at an awesome Michaels sale recently, I have almost a lifetime supply Hahahaha!(almost) Plus I have all my pearl ex (the new colors are beautiful) and I have some UV resin and the light, and so many other goodies I have been collecting. I almost dont know where to start! But I did begin with going through my old canes and sheets and skinner blends to see what was salvageable. I am happy to report that all the canes are still workable even after almost 4 years of not moving!! And the sheets? That was very interesting. I had them stored between sheets of wax paper in a plastic container. Apparently wax paper will leech plastisizer over a period of time. So my sheets were very brittle and cracked. BUT! They worked perfectly for making faux raku sheets! Woohoo! So now I have several lovely sheets of deep crackle raku to play with. And I am happy to report also, that the counter top convection oven I bought works wonderfully! Its made by Deni and its see through so I can watch my clay while it bakes. And the large glass bowl which is the main body of the oven can go in the dishwasher! Anyhoo, I am hoping to be able to hop in a little more often here again. Things seem to be calmer here for now LOL. But that can change in the blink of an eye hahaha! Makes life exciting in a way dontcha think? XOXOXOXO Jamie
Yep, same for me. Haul out the clay, and the world brightens. It’s great, isn’t it?
Hope hubby is doing well, and that you try and post a little more often.
Hi, Cindy!
I just wanted to let you know personally how much I appreciate your work, your teaching, your support and that I try to apply and have applied it to what I’m doing. But I was looking at something else here and by “coincidence” found this older topic of yours about learning and teaching and “being a child with a head full of dreams”.
I am crying right now and very hard, too, because I have been struggling with this issue without even up to last night when I posted these photos on Facebook, of my latest sculpt.
When I was a child, I wanted to be EVERYTHING! Writer, actress, director, artist, painter… I wanted to see and create beauty everywhere and make everyone comfortable and happy. But it was not good enough. I was told in high school writing was good enough for a hobby but I was too intelligent to not have a REAL career like in the math and sciences.
The first music teacher I had said I had no aptitude for music because I could not read notes even though I had never been taught them so how could I play the trumpet like Herb Albert?
Art school was just for “lazy people” who couldn’t do REAL work or it was just too much fun and a hedonistic thing to do when there was so much poverty, etc., in the world and one should really “help” people.
I was too shy and lacked self-esteem to ever be an actress. What was I going to do for money because that’s the bottom line, anyway….etc, etc., etc..
I know that this constant brainwashing (plus life circumstances) has led me to where I am today. Fifty six and all I’ve ever done is retail clerk and secretarial. So much for intelligence, skill and talent, eh?
Well, my life circumstances have changed drastically in the last four years. And this clay thing…well. I am in a position where it’s sink or swim for me as far as proving to myself that I and my talents have a place in this world.
I decided to try to start a business with this and have been investing all my energies in that direction. I also seem to be fighting myself every step of the way and wanting to throw in the towel time and time again.
I had such a struggle finishing this last sculpt and posting it. And I realized last night it was because I was afraid to hear all these comments again. Because then I would just slink away like I always did before. Because of the whim or jealousy or beliefs of people who… lets face it… never lived my life with me anyway.
So you can see how your story has affected me right now, because it is that precious little girl in me, too, that needs to love and accept and encourage and protect herself. And you echoed that in me so much this morning. I will remember this next time I hear the voices… which will probably be in the next five minutes or so. LOL
Anyway, all I wanted to say was thank you and you keep doing what you are doing and keep getting better and better all the time. THAT’S what it’s about. Becoming Master or Mistress of your own destiny. I have had teachers and bosses like Willow’s French teacher who would have me believe that was the truth of life. And I was such a sucker, I believed it. Willow is fortunate to have such parents who teach her differently. You are a strong and brave and beautiful child woman. Thanks for coming into my life.
If you would have been my student at age 11 and I would have read your work, I would have thought “What a beautiful light that child has within her! What a way to express color and form! I can see it all so clearly in my mind’s eye. It is my duty and privilege to guide her as best I can into bringing it forth for all the world to share.” So it goes. Maybe it has been the challenge for us, to shine forth and value our own selves so that others may value our gifts, too.
Love,
Andrea
Andrea,
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and struggles and realizations with us. It is stories like this that bring clarity and perspective to what Doug and I are envisioning for the Polymer Clay Tutor brand. It’s so much more than just offering tutorials and instructions. There is definitely a higher purpose unfolding… to empower greatness and self-confidence in those who choose to become involved. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a part of this blossoming PcT community. You are great!
Love ~Cindy
Dear Cindy! What an honor! It is just so hard to find people… or at least it has been for me… who understand what a vision like yours and Doug’s IS and who are willing to do the work to bring it forth. I have the same vision, maybe executed differently, but the same nevertheless. It IS a greater vision and a MUCH higher purpose. And no matter what tools are used, humanity has been envisioning this expression from the beginning. I have wanted and want VERY MUCH to contribute to that empowerment. I will do my best.
Andrea, your post brought tears to my eyes, too. I was the same, though, I “found” insurance as a career, lol. At least I felt I was helping people understand their medical policies, and learned about it for my own needs.
Having experienced the same issues in childhood as you and Cindy, it was a long journey. But, the one benefit of the insurance paycheck was that it allowed me to find a great hobby….polymer clay.
Later, once disabled and home for good, this medium is my stress relief sanity and Cindy’s site and tutes are the light of my life.
Oh Andrea, do not fear or be afraid of what others think or say. If you have enjoyed making something, put your heart into it and overcome the difficulties, you shine. I love your sea themed dragon, the colors speak to me, the expression looks satisfied as if he/she is saying “Thanks Mum for bringing me to life. Has it a name?
Everyone has their own perception of “ART! My younger sister was a wonderful water color painter. She painted the most amazing elves, fairies and birds and nature. Then she attended a famous Art College in London. It destroyed her natural flow. I am not sure how or what she was taught but her work thereafter became just ordinary. The heart had gone out of it. She does not paint much anymore, but I treasure two of her early paintings. Sometimes you can learn too much, become afraid you are not good enough. Looking back at some of my early PC pieces I laugh at how ugly they are but somebody loved them? Cindy is a wonderful teacher and we have all learned lots of lessons, but she is NOT rigid. She says “put your own spin on it, choose different colours, experiment, and that’s what ART is all about. Pushing the boundries, trying new ways, taking advice but doing your own thing. Remember someone somewhere will love even the ugliest warty toad……cheers xx……..
I find your comment about your sister’s art losing its ‘voice’ after going to art school interesting Elaine.
I think sometimes with all this push to legitimize and elevate the medium of polymer clay, that people who teach tutorials like myself, are often thought to be ‘unqualified’ to bring value to the artist community. That only the true trained art professionals and those with art school backgrounds have the right to be leaders or instructors in this industry. That untrained or self taught teachers are indeed ruining the artistic viability for other artists. At least that is often the impression I get from some of the more well known people in this niche.
Frankly I find that a load of bologna! Art isn’t only about color theory and art history courses. Art is about expression and passion. It is about a creative vision that is given form by using materials to bring that vision into reality. But before you can make that happen, you need to understand how the materials will work, to bring your ideas into fruition.
In my opinion, tutorials are great for that. You learn about the art material, which in our case is mostly polymer clay, and you make it into something. If you like it, you take it further… if you don’t, you change it or move onto something else. What better way is there to discover your own artistic voice than actually making something with your own hands?
We have seen some wonderful examples right here within our own membership. Sue Fisher making Faux Cast Iron as a twist on the Faux Rust tutorial. Lynda Dunham-Watkins using the Faux Raku technique as an aged skin for her Elephant Sculpt. Andrea Paradiso using a variety of tutorials in her gorgeous Ace of Cups sculpture and you Elaine… using your poetry to bring your own artistic flair to this site, when you are unable to work with your clay.
Thank you for saying that I am not rigid as a teacher. I have tried very hard to teach in a way that makes it ‘all about you’ and what you want from the experience. There is no point in me pushing what I feel are the rules of how your piece is to be made or how it should look. I show you how to use a material, give you some ideas if you need them and let you run with it how you like.
Any way, I just thought I’d chime in here and give my two cents on the topic since it is something that I feel very passionate about! :)
Well said, Cindy! I was just thinking about art and what it really means. You hit it right on the head! Art is like the old phrase: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” I actually never wanted to sell my art because I thought I wouldn’t want my art to “increase” in value after I pass. I knew I would “sell” it for a reasonable price but I didn’t want anyone to “get rich” because they bought my work after my death. Art is to be shared not profit from. Does that make sense? I guess that is why I rather give my work away than sell it.
Art has been a part of my life since I was three years old. If I were to ask someone to describe me most will say something about my artistic abilities. Sometimes I felt people I met thought being artistic was a cop out. People would ask what I studied in college and I would tell them I was an Art Major and they would say how easy it must have been. As though Art was an easy “A” and not reason to pay big money to earn a degree.
How different our lives would be without art. It is everywhere. Teachers like you, Cindy, make it look easy. But if it were easy no one would need to be taught. I always say to people who think they are not talented, “Talent is only 10%. 90% is practice, practice and practice!”
Sometimes only a small word of encouragement is needed for people to succeed. And one word of discouragement to crush someone’s inspirations.
I love the positive atmosphere here! That alone is a great tool for improving creativity and artistic abilities.
You make some great points Catalina! I love the positive atmosphere here too!
As far as making money with art, I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, if that’s what you want to do. It is not required that an artist needs to be a Starving Artist, for their work to be good.
Money is neither good nor bad. It is merely an object that is used to represent value. If an object has enough value to someone, (intrinsic, sentimental, rarity, or whatever) then they will exchange more money for it. I once saw an auction when someone paid $700 for a Pez Dispenser. Was it a better piece of art than the painting at the gift shop for $100. No. Should the guy selling it given the guy who bought it most of his money back, because it was just a stupid piece of plastic? No. It was rare and the purchaser wanted it bad enough for his collection.
The thing I think about Art and the process of making it, is that it is important what YOU want out of the experience. If you want to spend hours and hours making something using expensive materials that you enjoy doing and then give it away, then that is perfectly alright.
If you want to create business where you make something quick, that sells well and brings you a good profit, then that is fine too. Neither is smarter or more honorable than the other. They are just different reasons for doing things. That is all.
It is up to you how you go about your creative life. As long as you are not hurting anyone (like stealing their work) then Your Journey is Your Journey… And who am I (or anyone one else for that matter) to say otherwise?
Elaine, I get the cramping, have seen it happen. For some reason, the way they are taught just closes off their natural work. Not sure why. Friend I saw it happen to recognized it and blamed it on required nudes study. I guess it can happen, right?
Wow a kindred spirit
I am Bi-Polar and as such highly creative but have to struggle to complete tasks, I am properly medicated and so don’t have many high or low episodes but when I get excited about an idea and do I have ideas,I am told to check my ” levels ” I am not allowed to just be happy and creative, without someone getting nervous, I keep a list of famous talented people who are and were bi-polar to remind myself that I am not ” mentally ill ” but have an electrical problem that is treated with meds. Like most with my condition my IQ is very high and it was a Dr. telling me that which helped me to believe in myself, My family never liked me I knew this even when I was a small child, My father was an envious bitter man who decided that since he did not have an education he would deny me mine, so from the age os 14 I learned on my own and became self taught. I guess I gave off an energy they just didn’t understand and their way of coping was to tell me that I was broken and would never be any good as a person or in what I might try to accomplish. I have always been an artist, I write,paint, design and make clothing, do wonderful mosaics and intricate beading and now have found polymer clay I often combine some or all of these things and have learned that I am what is known as a ” mixed media artist ” But the lack of a formal education always made me feel like a phoney and that I had no right to the title. Self esteem was zero and then I met and married a wonderful man who found something beautiful in me and told me that I was his strength and security the rock that made him whole. He has supported me and loves all that I do. Our children are so proud of what I do and tell love to tell their friends who admire something that I made for them that ” Mom made it ” I don’t want to be an artist because I say so I want to be recognized as an artist because I am one and your site helps me to get the professionalism I need to believe it myself, that old lack of esteem never really goes away and it is important to have the tools to combat the beast when it rears its ugly head, it is my dragon to slay and I will do it as often as the need arises.
this is where my problem comes in concerning self promotion but I will slay that critter too in time. Thank you for providing my with the weapons I need
Wow, I’m speechless. The video, your story and all the stories and comments in this thread resonate so much with me. I’m also teary-eyed. Thank you for this today and of course, all you do for us. Perfect.
Cindy, you always display an amazing amount of wisdom in your answers.
Hi, All!
Haven’t been able to get here for awhile…and I find I’m in the headlines once again thanks to Doug! LOL! Forgive me for making light of it, but it’s only because I’m tearing up again, too.
All of you are just incredible. I cannot tell you how your words, your stories, your expressions…both in clay and in words…feeds my soul. And you have to KNOW that…you need to be told. I am so BORED with meaningless conversations…even about clay…and tweets that have become a part of everyone’s mode of communication even when they aren’t on Twitter and people hanging up in the middle of a conversation or leaving my FaceBook chat box without even saying good-by. I am bored and tired of it. To ACTUALLY be able to READ something someone TOOK THE TIME TO WRITE FOR ME TO READ…what a refreshing pleasure! Someone actually wanted to communicate with all of us about a part of who and what and why they are. And, on top of that, they are WILLING to take the time to actually sit down and read what I and others might have to say and share and even respond to it. To ACTUALLY create a REAL and meaningful conversation with people which isn’t about bacon-wrapped hot dogs or their latest hair style snaffu…as fun as that may be! Fancy that!
I stumbled into the “polymer clay community” much like I’ve stumbled into a lot of things…happy and enthused and wide-eyed innocent. And it all felt great…the sharing, the joy, the lifting one other up. A little later, when people started asking to buy my necklaces, I remembered that dream I had as a child and for many years after of being an artist and actually making it my life’s work as well as passion. But it is not so easy for me, sometimes, to just go ahead and do things. For me, before going right ahead there were all these internal issues I had/have to deal with. And rightly so. As Cindy says, Your Journey is YOUR JOURNEY. And I had to find out what I wanted My Journey to be. If I am to do this thing, what do I want to stand for and where do I want to end up? That question is always in my nature to ask. And that is why Cindy’s response to my comment, and all of your comments as well, was just as overwhelming to me as her original story.
It is true I have not been here lately because I’ve had some major loose strings that needed tying up before I went ahead with even any more clay work at all. But it is also true that I have taken some time to withdraw a bit from the groups I found myself in because I needed to investigate deeply and consider who and what I want to align myself with at this crucial time, who and what I want to allow into my life, who and what nurtures me and accepts nurturing from me and who and what I invest my energies and resources to. This is the beginning of this adventure for me. I don’t want to be Pinocchio and go willyy-nilly in the direction that any wind blows or align myself with people that may be detrimental in the long term to me and to the community as a whole for the sake of “my business” or “my reputation”. I’ve waited too long to give it all away, I’ve seen what that path has done to too many people I’ve known, and it means too much to me personally in more ways than one. It means as much to me as this group and Cindy mean to Jocelyn. I want to do the very best that’s in me to do. And if it doesn’t work, well, then…I’ll sing along with Jim Croce.. “like a fool I am and I’ll always be…I got a name!”.
Last night, I had to make what was for me a hard decision about leaving a FaceBook group I had just recently joined at a person’s suggestion. My first mistake was in not investigating before joining and taking this other person’s suggestion without finding out for myself. But everything is so easy and carefree these days! I just assumed it was like all the other groups I was in. You just click on the “Like” button or the “Friend” button and off you go. Well, it isn’t like the other groups I’m in, including this one. There is an administration clique. And there are rules. And there are phrases such as “you shall post it this way and not that” and “shall not be tolerated” and “shall be determined” and “will be removed without warning” and “such-and-such a post looks ugly” and “to avoid repetition of such comments as ‘cool’ and ‘wow’ and ‘hello'”, and etc.. Now, there is nothing wrong with this in itself as it is their group and they have the right to run it as they chose (even though it is listed as an open group and I’m not sure it quite fits that description). Except that, for one, this group has set themselves up to unite the ENTIRE “polymer clay community” under ONE roof…namely theirs…mainly because the main administrator “is tired of having to post her work in 10 different groups” all the time. I will be sarcastic enough to comment that it probably has more to do with the fact that she has to follow other people’s rules and not hers. If you DO care to see the rules, you have to take the time and make the effort to download their pdf file. If you want to see who all is in Administration, you have to take the time to look for that, too. And, of course, they can change and post the rules anytime they want to. They can decide who or what comes in and who or what gets kicked out and why and who can or can’t be an Administrator. The group started out sometime in 2012 and had a hundred or so members and in the last month or so has upped it considerably. It seems there may have been a massive sign-up campaign going on of which I was a part. Five people administrating the entire polymer clay community, dictating the rules, changing the rules, and if anybody else wants to be in Administration, they must ask and be permitted in. My, my, my.
I know what you might say to me. You might say “Andrea! Why are you taking it so seriously and letting this get your dander up? Just walk away and PICK your battles. Stop wasting time and go start up your so-called business and play like a good little girl with your clay dragons and have a good time! It’s just jewelry and stuff! It’s JUST FACEBOOK anyway! Who cares?” I know you might say this to me because I said it to myself.
And I might answer you, “I DID just walk away. And I am NOT going to stay in the group and fight the authority someone took for themselves without earning it or asking the group if it was alright to do so. And I AM working on my business. This IS my business…and it is I that cares FOR IT.” Why? Because this is the beginning of what Elaine and Catalina and Cindy have all discussed. The start of the clay experts and the qualified teachers and the leaders and the icons en masse…the start of THE INSTITUTION. And that is happening with the clay, too, because NOTHING is exempt from this natural evolution. Nothing. I have seen it happen in the so-called new-age era with the creation of new Tarot decks over a twenty-plus year span; I have seen it in the natural health field over a forty-year span, and I am seeing it here in the polymer clay niche, as Cindy refers to it. People will set themselves up to dictate to others what, when, how, good, bad, ugly, oughts, ought nots, shoulds and shouldn’ts, how much, how many and never at alls. They will set themselves up as “experts in the field” even though they may have invented one technique they are famous for and will repeat that technique over and over again without learning or trying anything new after it and people will OOOh! and AAAh! and pay thru the nose for a trinket with their name on it forever because they are so-and-so.
Yes, Catalina, you are right. After they die it will be worth tons more. And, yes, Cindy that’s alright because that is commerce and free enterprise and I myself will also pay a lot more than something might be worth just because I want to posses it and someone I admire made it. But if it goes too far, if the cramping gets too tight and can’t be relieved, the joy and innocence of the clay will die. And it will just be clay-by-rote…dictated form and not life. Cindy says bologna, and I say I have never, EVER liked bologna. Yes, I am in “The Community” and this is how I shall be in it. On my own terms, just like Cindy is, just like the rest of you are. Because that is what ART is. And that is what LIFE is. If you do not do that…then you might as well shut your mouth and slink away and let others do with your life and with your work what they will. I WILL NOT lend my energies to cramping ANYBODY’S style. Loving, supportive, joyful, gently critical, uplifting, attentive, supportive, instructive, a bit of a goofball sometimes, talking too much and getting on your nerves? DEFINITELY! But rules to make things nice and neat and pretty and to shut up everybody’s mouth and stunt their artistic expression so we can all be cute little sheep and feed somebody’s ego? Sorry, not for me.
It was my plan to work on my clay this morning and not rant and rave on “My Polymer Clay Tutor”. LOLOL! If I have offended anyone, it was not my intention to, so I hope you will forgive me. But I ask you also to be sure to let me know and tell me where I am wrong in my thinking or perception or if my facts are not accurate so that I can discuss it with you and consider this further. I am asking you all to just be careful. If you wish to preserve the beauty of what this expression has become so far and of what you TRULY are and what you wish this precious seedling to grow into…make sure you know what and who you are investing in.
I said I was in the process of determining the people and groups I am aligning myself to and, most importantly, to what extent. As far as Cindy and Doug, their family, and this group is concerned, my decision is made. If you still want me, you shall be seeing me and my expressions…both of them…a lot more often.
Love to all of you and thanks again for letting me bend your ear…bend it A LOT!
I am off now…to play with my dragons!
Andrea
Andrea,
I just want to let you know that you are not alone in having been in a group….Didn’t even know I was a member until I tried to make a comment and was told that if I had not been a member I would have been unable to make the comment. I just wanted to lend a small encouragement to a lovely artist who is talented and seems to worry alot that she is having no success at selling in certain venues.
At the time I felt that it was good to be a part- unknowingly- but apparently invited to this group. I was encouraged by another friend to submit a picture of work for commentary… very afraid to do so… old images of non acceptance surfaced… I heard the mantra in my mind again that “you are not good enough” . My friend wrote back that I would be surprised at the response and acceptance of the group and it would be a good thing. I waited for a few days before I felt I could submit a photo. I waited with baited breath to read the comments. Scared of the power that this group holds to build or tear down self confidence. Somewhere in my mind I thought that maybe my work would be acceptable and that through that, I too, would be acceptable in the group of the mighty who hold the power to say that you are a part of this clay community. Much to my deep sadness I discovered that my photo had been removed, and a terse note in its place saying that this was not a group to display your recent work. I was deeply chagrined to see that the administrator removed the photo and left the note without first seeing if I realized it was a critique group.
Yup, I knew that.
It has taken me awhile to get over this. And I’m not sure I am yet. I seldom even post anything on my own status because I am a relatively private person. I have learned not to seek personal attention in my life but sometimes it just comes
to me.
This small experience has taught me that if I am happy with my work it is going to have to be enough.
Success can be had in different ways and I am surely blessed with what has come my way through avenues other than high profile in the community of clayers around the internet
I have secret joy in knowing that my art has been where none of theirs has yet been. Therefore I am a pioneer in that! I want to shout “Beat that venue”! Bet you cannot. Well, maybe. But I was first. LOL.
Dearest Karonkay—
The time and care and emotional effort it may have taken you to write about this incident shows me what kind of a person and artist you are. It also t